SXSW hath murdered sleep...

Hello, Internet!

   I'm way overdue for another blog! Since I'm anything but well-rested, was given a deadline for posting a blog, there's a lady awkwardly staring at me in Panera, and I was tagged - I think this is the perfect time! 

   This past Thursday I embarked upon a mini road trip adventure to Austin with Have Coffee Will Travel and her extremely tall boyfriend for SXSW.  For anyone living under a rock that's South by Southwest - the one week a year where all my dreams come true and every band or artist I love converges upon Austin for 7 days of musical heaven. Yesssssssss! (Imagine I sound like Napoleon Dynamite for that one.)
   We wandered around downtown Austin, watched strangely-dressed people mill around, ate Kimchi fries, and ended the day by seeing a friend of mine play a free show inside a TGI Friday's...inside a hotel.  The day was adventurous and as weird as Austin itself - and we loved it.  I'd go into a long, detailed blog about our adventure, but I'm still waiting on pictures from the before-mentioned tall dude that occupied the backseat and acted as our security detail for the trip.
   Now onto the issue of being tagged...

Questions:

1.Spring, Summer, Winter or Fall

  I refuse to choose just one!  

 - Spring - I love the flowers and the rain - but only when I don't have to drive in it.
 - Summer - I secretly would like to be a beach bum.  Sleep in the sand, splash in the waves, the smell of sunscreen, and that scent that your skin gets when you've spent too much time in the sun.  True love.

 - Fall - I love the crunch of leaves under my feet, the way my hair curls the way I like it when it's not 1,000% humidity in the fall.

 - Winter - Hot chocolate, chicken and dumplings, my pink peacoat, and boots - definitely wearing boots. 'nough said.

2. Favorite roadtrip

 - My oldest sister and I embarked on a ridiculously ambitious drive straight from Houston to Portland, Maine.  Yes, M-A-I-N-E...that state at the far northeastern tip of the USA.  It was crazy, exhausting, and I'm STILL in love with Portland.  

3. Favorite roadtrip snack

 - I never go on a road trip without some beef jerky.

4. The last five songs on you listened to, iPod or radio

  Bon Iver - I Can't Make You Love Me/Nick of Time
  David Ramirez - Strangetown
  Ray Lamontagne - Hold You in My Arms
  Ray Lamontagne - Crazy (Gnarls Barkley Cover)
  Jessie J - Domino

5. Do you have any tattoos, if so where

 - I wish! I actually dreamed about getting a tattoo last night. Creepy!

6. Star Fleet or Jedi

 - Star Fleet! Our dad raised us right. ;)

7. Five words to describe yourself

 - determined, cheerful, sassy, ambitious, loved

8. Where did you go on your first vacation

 - Our parents took us on plenty of vacations when we lived in Europe...I'm thinking Austria was probably among the first. My first real ADULT vacation was to Boston, MA. I heart New England. 

9. If you could move anywhere in the world where would you go and why?

 - It's a tie between London and Honolulu.  I love the European and Hawaiian lifestyles.  They're definitely different from being a city girl in the US.

10. Favorite meal you can cook

 - Chicken Divan...it's this family dish we've been eating since as far back as I can remember.  Chicken, cheese, rice, broccoli, breadcrumbs...cheese...did I mention cheese? ;)

XOXO

Kimmy 

Hiding Me

  I'm listening to Kye Kye's Walking This right now.  
  It just seemed like the ideal background noise while I finally write a post I've been avoiding for quite awhile.  I've been dodging it for a hundred different reasons - be they legitimate excuses or not - I've been hiding.


  That seems to be my theme these days.  I float into the office, say my good morning's with a lack luster enthusiasm (barely believable,) and I sit at my desk for the rest of the day with my ear buds shoved in my head to drown out the talking.
  Sadly, I know that my coworkers have noticed a change in me, but I haven't been in much of an attitude to care.  Again... the hiding.  If no one asks it suits me well not to fumble awkwardly for an answer.  If I were to really be asked I'm not sure I could give them anything coherent or satisfying.  Ugh.  It even disgusts me just to think of this.  I've never been the type of person to keep my thoughts as closely guarded secrets.
  Maybe, just maybe it doesn't matter because my thoughts haven't been of much interest these days.  In fact I'm not sure I could utter them out loud without thinking, I'm retarded, afterward.  (Insert a sad, lopsided grin here.)
  My mind runs over memories, or I look at the circumstances in front of me and think that there just doesn't seem to be an end.  When you've been disappointed over and over and over it's hard to see what's on the other side.  It's hard to imagine that there's anything else outside of your troubles.  But I've begun to realize especially over the last few weeks that - no matter how tough it gets - it's not MY strength that's going to bring me through.  It's not MY job to fix the universe or to carry the weight of the situation.  
  It's my job to trust.  To fall back into grace with my arms spread wide and eyes closed.  The one person that's never changed, never failed, and never rejected me has been God.  And so, because of His love for me, I know there's an end to the hard times.  
  Does that mean I'm going to never cry?  
  No, but I swear if I never cried again I wouldn't be disappointed.  
  I think the hardest struggle is beating myself up for ever having feelings at all.  When you wake up and feel depressed and don't want to hang out or see anyone you think "what's wrong with me?"  
  There's nothing wrong with YOU!  There's nothing wrong with having down days, however the problem is when you look to yourself to fix your problems instead of believing the Lord to be your advocate and to fight the battles for you.  
  The truth is we'll never win on our own.  
  I'm not sure when my new season of laughter will be here.  I have no idea when I'm going to wake up and feel 100% okay again, but I'm prepared...
  
  I've got my dancing shoes ready.
  So there.  If you were wondering - I haven't been myself lately, but I'm sure working my way back! :)


"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven: a time to be born and a time to die, a time to plant and a time to uproot, a time to kill and a time to heal, a time to tear down and a time to build, a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance, a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them, a time to embrace and a time to refrain, a time to search and a time to give up, a time to keep and a time to throw away, a time to tear and a time to mend, a time to be silent and a time to speak, a time to love and a time to hate, a time for war and a time for peace." Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

XOXO

Kimmy